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♥ 83

Thursday, October 30, 2008

12:00 AM

i used to think that there wouldn't be a day when i would actually emo. it's like, melo and emo? no link.
but ever since my jc life started, these shapeless emotions appeared very often.
why, you may ask. im not too sure of it myself either.
but i was thinking, perhaps if i disappeared from this world, it would bring salvation to probably 10,000 ppl in this universe; ppl who are implicated by what i do, and what i am.
ppl like my mum who gets so stressed out by me cos i failed my promos and currently unable to promote.
ppl like my form teacher ms ng who probably got into alot of trouble because of me and my half-assed crappy work and attitude.
ppl like shermaine who becoms so pek chek when i dont pick up her calls in the morning.
ppl like claudia whose bag gets heavier everytime she keeps my hwk for me; and my hwk is just an extra burden she's willing to carry for someone like me.
ppl like dyane who cant find someone to pei her during chinese lessons cos im always missing.
and to alot of other ppl. im just nothing but trouble.
so if i could disappear, how nice would it be.

message to all aliens and mad scientists: come kidnap me if you need a human for some weirdo experiment or sth. and please do kill me after that.

dance has changed my life entirely. into something good, into something bad.
i wont blame dance for my shitty results. or my less-than-90% attendance.
all i can do is blame myself. cos afterall, it's my own fault for being so engaged in the whole dance thing.
my own fault for being so over the moon just cos i was labelled as a 'good' dancer by many.
perhaps i thought i could go in that direction and be some good dancer for life.
so i just kept dancing. for the whole year.
and i was wrong. i realised i totally cannot do anything by myself.
and i realised this at the syf auditions last tuesday.
i cant catch steps at the snap of a finger. or just like that.
i cant exhibit techniques right there and then. i need to dance for at least half an hour or so, get warmed up, then i can do my pirouettes and stuff.
how weird. at this rate i wont be able to achieve anything, right?
but that's just the bad things dance brought about.
the good things far outweigh the bad of course. there are many. i shant name them since i've always ranted about the good stuff about dance in the past.
i was being such a one-sided idiot all this whole time i realise.
now im just a mashed up screwed loser.
how nice.

my studies cant earn me a pass for my promos. my attitude is shitty. i wont be promoted. full-stop.