LOVE.

♥ 25

Saturday, October 27, 2007

3:47 PM

and so what was it that let to this disappointment?
was it just a personal grudge,
or was it just an experimental error?
indulged in a world of fantasy,
i could hardly regain any conciousness.
there was no time to focus,
or was it just time that slipped by without me trying to catch hold of it?
seeing the ribbons of the seconds float past,
i did nothing. just watching the beautiful ribbons fly away in silence.
there was no attempt to stop the clock,
there was no attempt to work,
there was no attempt with the outside world.
and i just sat in a world of enveloping darkness.

yet, when i finally realised my folly,
i was struck down with a couple of stones.
i felt the urgency for that split second,
and it did not falter.
that has not happened in a very long time.
i could see my power regaining,
like on a meter that detects the power within a human.
the needle of that device was moving towards the positive end.
i was satisfied.
and then it came.
a sense of betrayal by a known source.
it was a package in a nice wrapper,
and i was attracted to it.
until i opened it.
i could see my power being drained away by a mysterious sucking power coming from that package.
i could see that sucking power;
selfishness, self-centredness and complacency.
that was some mighty power.
i became totally drained of enegy and devoid of all motivation to pick myself up again.
and,

that is the reason why you are reading this now.

♥ 24

Saturday, October 13, 2007

11:47 PM

okay i know im not a professional groomer of any sort. but this is how my precious darling looks like after a haircut that lasted for 150mins. ((:

before...

after!

okay here's one random pic. cos i dont think i'll have any chance of showing you ppl remy's special talent, so TA-DAA! here's remy!

remy's special talent.

here are some photos from grad day...

aunty lily, uncle and i! xD

bus11, sports rep and me. x)

and since we've graduated and thus wont be seeing each other really frequently now, if you have any disatisfaction with me or any kind of unhappiness or dislike, OR compliments(yeah right.) and complains for the past four years, do feel free to tag at the tagboard. since we wont be seeing much of each other so it's okay to tell me, you know. really. or if you dont want to declare your dislike in public you can always email me(details under profile.thanks.)! (:

take it as a form of venting fustrations.

kay, got to be going now, bye!

♥ 23

Thursday, October 11, 2007

11:22 PM

iGRADUATEDfromcedar.
hah. it was a wonderful graduation.
tears of joy, laughter, memories, sadness.
i thought i wouldnt cry, since i didnt cry out when minah, aggy and yh cried.
hur.
the moment i hugged wenmin my tears just came out.
it seems like she ahd a way of making me cry.
then all the memories of dance came back to me and hit me hard.
sigh.
i think my juniors make me cry the most. HUR. irritating bunch of ppl.
perhaps cos im quite close to them la.
why i didnt cry with the sec4s?
maybe cos im too close to them that i dont have to show how i feel.
i think everyone knows that everyone else feels sad and deeply saddened by the fact we're leaving cedar.
sigh.
what a day to remember; what a day to commemorate.
ilovecedar.

unite, cedarians unite.
we'll perservere all the way.
make sure our torch is burning bright.
courteous, honest, everyday.
forever loyal, ever true.
for cedar our best we'll do.

to cedar girls' school we belong,
with pride and love let's sing this song
let us unite and together vow,
to dedicate our loyalty now.
to cedar girls' school we belong,
with pride and love let's sing this song.
let us unite and together vow,
to dedicate our loyalty now.

♥ 22

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

12:04 AM

a surge of complicated emotions.
i dont know what to say.
give me a bottle of universal indicator.
i would like to know what im feeling right now.
darn darn screwed.
at that moment, i felt it was best i wasnt alive.
really.
stop pinning hopes on me.
really.
stop expecting i'd do some fascinating stuff.
really.
stop thinking i can do it.
really.
cos I CANT.
why dont you take my place?
and try what it's like standing there, doing something you dont know yourself?
the once familiar grounds, has turned unfamiliar.
it is like a complete stranger to me now.
hello stranger.
i wished i didnt have to meet you.

and somehow i felt prick in those words.
was there a tinge of mockery in them?

i feel remorseful.
i shouldnt have said those.
i think it must have hurt you.
sorry.
i didnt mean it.
truly.

in some way or some other,
i feel a change in myself.
an incorrigible change.
is that how you spell that?
i feel like a total moron in despair.

can someone shed some light on me?
i think i've lost my way.

♥ 21

Monday, October 8, 2007

8:40 PM

i wonder why polyclinics have never given me non-drowsy medicine before.
it seems like they never do.
i guess it's just a plot or a strategy they adopt to make their patients get rest.
cos some really stuborn ppl usually dont heed the doctor's advice of getting 'more rest'.
thus perhaps they have to resort to such means to 'force' patients to rest.
haha. perhaps. my own hypothesis.

im now in a dilemma.
i wanna go vj, take tsd, join judo/taekwondo + cheerleading.
at the same time i like tj too. their mass dance, ccas...
argh. im just wondering if my prelim results are good enough to get me into vj for PAE.
i'll be really disappointed if i dont, but i can always go tj.
i like tj EQUALLY. so tj is not a place for vj rejects.
it was once my first choice,so i dont consider that place as a dumping area for vj rejects. (:
vj jumped back to my first choice probably because a couple of reasons, like they offer tsd, jap and also there's a direct bus there from my house.
it's like so much more convenient.
so yeah, i think i'll put victoria junior college as my first choice on that PAE form im getting on 16nov.

vj open house was cool.
the tsd performance was great. i liked the lecturers. they're fun.
the costume designing thing totally aroused my interest in tsd.
although i cant draw, but i think designing costumes for like say, lady macbeth, would be pretty fun and interesting.
im sorry i missed the dance performance.
wanted to see it, but it's better not to make you guys wait for me, doing something perhaps you wouldnt enjoy.
and you've already waited for me for like, 50mins? so i guess i shouldnt be so mean to make you wait all the time.
im really sorry i was late.
actually, your expression when i first saw you that day was scary.
i didnt know what's bothering you, cos it seems like i havent talked to you properly for a long long time.
sorry, i didnt ask.
i was afraid i'd be too kaypoh.

tmr and the day after and the day after tmr is all about grad ceremony.
hur.
like uma and yanhui and probably alot more others, i dont feel like graduating.
leaving cedar is quite a horrible thought.
what if i land somewhere without anyone with me?
i'm really afraid to be alone.
i dont want to be by myself.
what if my new companions didnt like me?
im afraid of all these thoughts.
im afraid they'll come true.
besides, i had lynette and arica's company on the first day of my cedar life.
so it wasnt that bad.
aye, i think im just too dependant.
someone please help me get rid of this bad habit.

ooh. what nice timing.
anie smsed me to ask about my last day in cedar.
hur. how ironic.

havent been doing much lately, really.
been slacking off like shit.
crap i need help.
i need someone or something to help me get focused. darn it.
been spending alot of time on the computer and tv.
i dont know, something within me is telling me to leave all studying for another day.
but i know that's just going to make things worse.
14 days to o'level amath paper.
i dont wish to think how it'd turn out like.
not like my prelims, i hope.
i want an a1, not a2.
what's the good of an a2 when i know myself i can get a1?
sheesh. gotta work harder.

we are rowing in a boat of Fate.
the waves keep on coming and we cant escape.
but if we ever get lost on our way,
the waves will guide you through another day.