LOVE.

♥ 20

Sunday, September 30, 2007

1:07 AM

amidst all the studying, i always find time to do other meaningful things.

like today.

i brought my beloved grandma to the doctor's.

everytime i would dread doing this cos i always had to wake up very early on saturday mornings.

but at the end of the day i would realise it's not as dreadful as i thought it would have been.

afterall, she was the one who brought me up since young.

i couldnt be that unfilial to grumble just to bring her to see a doctor right?

compared to what she has done for me and my brother all these years,

bringing us up while both our parents worked,

this is definitely insignificant.

we used to live together, but now we dont.

we used to share one bedroom, but now we dont.

we used to walk the same roads together, now we dont.

as young teenagers, we must not forget what our elders have done for us.

we cannot neglect the fact that they've brought us up.

so everyone should do their part in showing appreciation for their elders, be it your grandparents or your parents.

my grandma is already 73-years-old this year.

but she doesnt want to admit that.

she still wants to go work.

at a factory somemore.

sigh. i dont know how to make her give up that idea.

she now lives in a rented room with my dad's ex-colleague.

and apparently she's not happy with that.

i want to live with her, but it's not within my means for such things.

i miss the good old days. why did my life turn out like this?

im not happy now, neither was i in the past.

i dont understand family love. cos i guess i never had too much of it in the first place.

even before it turned into a complicated web of relations,

i dont think i ever felt that i had a whole family before.

truly depressing, isnt it?

oh well. i resign to my fate. withered.

my lovely grandma and i<3

♥ 19

Friday, September 28, 2007

7:08 PM

so i had unexpectedly fine results.
thanks shermin, your guess was correct.
i was indeed exhilarated when i found out about my results. (:
and thanks atiqah for hoping i'd do well in everything. you too dear. (:
but yet there were just some ppl who were still unhappy with my resluts.
like hello?!!?!? i improved by a bloody 15 points okayy!
and you still complain about this and that.
it's really mad, i tell you. GRRRR. x(

so i didnt do really well for bio, chem and lit.
all three were B4s. but SO?!
at least i IMPROVED right?!
and i jumped from E8 to B4 for bio okayy.
argh. im irritated.
why cant you just appreciate the efforts i've put in?

nobody appreciates it.

♥ 18

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

9:16 PM

im feeling darn sucky right now.
looks like the whole world got back more than half of their results and im still held in suspense.
it's not a good feeling.
they either say they've not done very well or they've done okay.
but what about me?
i have no idea how my results are going to turn out like.
i dont want horrific results.
i dont want lousy results.
i dont want.
i can imagine _____'s face now, asking me why i didnt turn up for school today.
and i dont have an MC.
great.
he's going to give me that 'WHY NO MC' face again. x(
i dont want all this.
i didnt expect my nose to act up on this morning that i've been looking forward to.
it just struck me down like that. argh.
i hate runny nose. ):
i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.

my mummy objects me to being a social worker.
WHY?!?!?!!???!?!?!
but i want to help others!
i dont want to be a doctor.
i dont seem to have the qualifications of being a coporate comms officer.
and i hate banking/accountancy/anything with numbers.
i cant imagine myself working with numbers all day.
i want to work with people!
i like working with others. so i have already set my mind to work in the service industry next time.
but my mummy just have to oppose to it. WHY?!?!?!?!

and just when i thought my problems would stop increasing,
one huge one just fell on me yesterday night.
argh. it's irritating. it's freaking irritating.
and i assume everyone's mugging now. cos nobody's online.
and im here ranting about everything.
that's quite loser. gah-
and my life is so boring and dull that all i look forward to everyday is for my mummy to come home.
and you know why?
so that we can watch bleach together on the internet.
GAH.
and she's not home yet. so im still waiting. waiting for her to be back soon.
hope i'll be well and okay to go school tmr.
and then i have to go and look up all my subject teachers for my papers ALONE.
eee. i hate being alone. i guess cos im not independant.
oh well.
so many things to do, but there's only one me.
sometimes, i wished i had doraemon to help me.
or give me some potion that makes me split into many, many melos.
maybe i should go study now.
all this ranting's not going to make me feel better about how loser i am.
yes, go study melo.
GO.

♥ 17

Monday, September 24, 2007

12:01 AM

here are the english lyrics for the song in the previous post(:

For the people who always hold me up,
I put my daily thoughts into this Rhapsody.
Delivering my feelings of appreciation.
Thanks for always.
Thanks, really.
No matter where you are, I'm grateful for your presence.
When the twilight city was bathed in vermilion.
I walked the streets without a care.
In the afternoon, when crowds of comer and goers swell,
I tried just sort of standing still.
When a tiny gap opened in my heart,
I tried to fill it by learning cell phone manners.
You're not alone, just look.
We'll hold each other up.
For the people who always hold me up,
I put my daily thoughts into this Rhapsody.
Delivering my feelings of appreciation.
Thanks for always.
Thanks, really.
No matter where you are, I'm grateful for your presence.

dont you think it's so meaningful and grateful?
i shall learn it and sing it to ppl someday. (:

i had a really bad dream last night.
here's how the story goes:
i was standing right in front of my hamster cage when my phone beeped.
i opened up the message and looked at it.
the next moment, i broke down.
"Your best friend is dead."
it was from an unkown sender; i couldnt confirm if it was a prank or anything like that.
but the moment i saw the five words i just couldnt control myself and broke down.
when i finally calmed down, i called over to my friend's house.
nobody answered.
i was so desperate i called another five times.
then, a familiar female voice answered the call.
it wasnt my friend, but her mother. she was crying over the phone.
i asked "Auntie, what's the matter? Did anything happen?"
and she broke the news to me.
still holding the receiver, i wailed.
it was really a horrible feeling. i didnt know what to do.
i demanded my dad who was at home with me to bring me over to my friend's house immediately.
he had asked what happened, but i was too overwhelmed to talk.
i just cried and cried and cried.
the next thing i knew, i fainted.
then i woke up in my bed. tears were still rolling down my cheeks.
i anxiously checked my phone.
no messages from an uknown sender.

this dream was very realistic to me, hence it was really scary.
the layout of my 'house' in the dream is exactly the same as where im living now.
i used the same phone in my dream.
my hamsters were around.
the only thing is, my dad was living with me.
it was the only incredible thing. but still, the dream felt real.
when i woke up in my bed crying, i was so so afraid that what i had dreamt of was actually real.
i felt really desperate and heartbroken.
i was only relieved when i realised it was only a dream.
phew-
and because of this dream, i have learnt to treasure the friends around me MORE.
you cant take friends for granted.
even your family as well.
so even though it was a horrible nightmare, it made me learn some important values.
but i shant say who's this 'friend' of mine who appeared in my dream.
or at least for now. maybe if many are interested to know then i will say. haha.

today i went window shopping at suntec and marina with my mum and brother.
fell in love with this addidas shoulder bag. <3
yay! i think i shall get it with my birthday money(:(:(:
then i'll have TWO addidas bags. x)
and also saw the new generation PSP. it was light blue!!!
i want that too! $309. shall go persuade someone to get it for me. (:
and also saw the bleach PSP game.
which i really really want. :D
so, i think i shall ask for PSP plus the bleach game from someone for my birthday present. (: yayaye.
okay ignore what i just said.
i was just drooling over my material wants.
but it's been a long time since i bought something for myself.
sigh...

checking papers in two days time, dont really wish to know the results.
afterall, they're prelims and if they're not good i think i may cry.
so those around me please prepare lots of tissues for a waterfall like me.
or just make me smile so i wont cry.
sometimes, it's easy for me to tell others not to cry, but i dont know if i can do it myself.
yeah crying over results is a stupid thing to do but sometimes, it's a subconcious thing.
so, i might cry without my own permission to do so.
hope everything goes well though. (:

♥ 16

Friday, September 21, 2007

11:21 PM

i find this set of lyrics very nice.
so shall put it here for everyone's appreciation. (:

Itsumo sasaete kureru hito-tachi ni
Higoro no omoi o komera Rhapsody
Appreciation na kimochi o todoke
Itsumo arigatou
Honto arigatou
Tatoe doko ni itatte mimi no sonzai ni kansha shiteru yo
Tasogare no machi ga akaku somaru koro
Nanige naku michi o aruite ita
Ikikau hito no mure ga masu gogo
Nanto naku tachidomatte mita
Potsuri to aita kokoro no sukima
Umeru you ni oboeta keitai no manakimi wa hitori ja nai, hora mi natagai ni sasaeatteku no sa
Itsumo sasaete kureru hito-tachi ni
Higoro no omoi o komera Rhapsody
Appreciation na kimochi o todoke
Itsumo arigatou
Honto arigatou
Tatoe doko ni itatte mimi no sonzai ni kansha shiteru yo

regarding its meaning.. i shall post next time!
i think some people may already know this song.
haha. sorry, currently quite obssessed with the show you see.
x) haha. the song is very meaningful as well.
melts-

okay i think i should go and watch my tv now.
i think i will feel unbalanced if i dont watch my vcds now.
or my tv show. (: shall go watch now.
tell you people about this wonderful show behind this set of lyrics next time.
x) shermin should know. haha.

♥ 15

10:22 PM

an emoticon makes a world of difference.
dont you think so?
i think it does. look at the below passage and see how you feel:

hey. if you want let's go out tmr. anyway im free. so yah.
if not then nevermind.

now look at this:

hey(: if you want let's go out tmr. anyway im free. =D so yah.
if not then nevermind. x)

so im the one sending the message.
the first passage makes others feel like im angry or not interested to go out.
like i was forced by some unknown strength to ask this person out.
i am portrayed as an unsensitive and uninterested person.
but the second one is better, right?
with all the smiley emoticons my message looks livelier and happier.
like im making a sincere date with the person.
with no irritated expression over the other side of the phone/com screen.
dont you think? hah.
okay, im just weird. such a random topic to discuss. o.0

today we had JC talks.
went for vjc, tjc, njc and ajc talks.
well, they were quite hypnotic, but at least it helped me understand each institute better.
vjc has a vibrant culture - play + studay at the same time.
tjc has fantastic ccas - like taekwondo<3;>
njc has limited arts subjects and focus on sciences basically (yuck-)
ajc has a fantastic principal - ms susan leong to lead the school to greater heights.
but in the end my first two choices still end up in vjc and tjc.
no change at all. only thing is, i may put tjc as first choice now.
hah. no need to wonder why, the reason's fairly obvious. (:
if only vjc offered that one cca that i want; it would probably still stay as my first choice.

monday's going to be career talks.
actually thought of ponning school that day cos i thought it's going to be the same as today.
what a relief- it's career talks.
no more JC talks to stress me out further(tjc admission is 6 for both streams).
chose medicine, corporate comm(which sounds fun! PR! Human resource!), social work.
quite a weird combination of talks to choose i guess.
but im still very much interested in tourism though i picked social work.
i feel that i know alot about tourism already. so chose social work.
hope i dont get disappointed from the social work talk. im really quite interested.
dont dampen my interest or i'll roar. x)

and one last word to add: we will always remember the great contributions of a great great teacher who lives in our hearts always. THANK YOU for making so many things a dream come true.

nobody knows who i really am;
i never felt this empty before;
if i ever need someone to come along;
who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong;

♥ 14

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

8:10 PM

someone called me a loser today.
i was angry at first, then totally agreed with her.
oh well. guess i really am one.
a seriously retarded one too.
sigh-

couldn't get the class to go sentosa.
the attempt was a total failure.
next time i shant try to be so act smart.
i was actually TRYING to get the class to go sentosa with me?
oh please-
i was thinking too far man.
but all i wanted was to go sentosa...

im a failure in EVERYTHING.
i admit it.
i shouldnt try to do anything to salvage myself.
i think it will just get worse.
gah. failure;loser.

it was nothing but a lonely, desperate attempt;
which could never come true on any way;
i should stop living in self-deceit;
it'll be for the good of all anyway;

♥ 13

Saturday, September 15, 2007

9:45 PM

my best friend hates me.

i did not understand why things turned out like that at first, but now i know why.

my story goes like this:

i was once a really popular girl, and i had alot of friends.

yet, i didn't know how to cherish them. i often neglected them.

there was this one friend i had; she was really a nice girl.

she often talks to me and comforts me when i was not in the best of mood.

she cheered me up with all sorts of ways she could think of,

and was always there for me when i really needed company.

despite the best-friend treatment she gave me, i did not cherish her friendship.

i was often distracted when im with her, by the guys passing around us and my phone.

i usually don't talk much to her because she's always the one talking.

actually, i found her very noisy and chatty. it was rather irritating.

so i started being cold to her. i gave one-word-replies to her messages and questions.

i would go out with other people instead of her,

since im so popular and everyone comes and asks me out.

i never asked anyone out before; it's always them asking me out.

as the exams period drew near, more and more people stopped asking me out.

i began to feel bored staying at home all day.

so i decided to ask that friend that i have kept in cold storage out.

so throughout the exam period she was the one accompanying me all the time,

studying, eating and shopping when i wanted to.

at first i was really relieved to have her to accompany me.

but then my dislike for her grew again, and i started being cold towards her once more.

one day, in the school courtyard, she came to look for me. she said,

" Eh, you think you very popular isit? Don't think i don't know, you only ask me out when you have nobody to go out with! And when i'm with you, you don't talk. You either look at guys or sms all the time. Sometimes i don't even know if you're listening to me. Now i tell you, I'M SICK OF IT! I treat you as a friend, but you take me as what? A tool?! And not only i think of you as his, almost everyone else also! You give some other people special treatment, like always buy things for them and treat them nicely. Then to me and some unfortunate others, you get angry at us easily for small little things we do like joking with you. You hardly buy as anything, and we buy stuff for you when the things remind us of you! So much for being friends, friend."

And she walked away.

subsequently there were many others who came and told me the same things.

i asked them if they were in cahoots, but they told me that in the past,

they did not dare to tell me all this because they were afraid of being boycott by others.

but after seeing that friend stand up against me bravely and against all odds,

they all decided to come against me as well.

those whom i think were my "true" friends actually did not care much about me.

so much for me bring nice to them.

i realised i was alone in this world now, without any friends.

i had actually neglected the one who treated me the best.

she was always conforming with me and did things my way.

i didn't realise that all along i was carrying the princess attitude.

i really regret it. i should have taken friendship more seriously.

hey this story is not meant to be mocking at anyone!

it's just i suddenly thought of this. what if my friends all leave me?

i just realised i dont really have a very good friend/ best friend in this world.

as in, not like i dont think that they're not my best friends,

but who do take me as their best friends?

i really have no idea. ohwells.

i guess im like some wandering person whom to everyone is nothing but an ordinary friend.

haha:D

if you resemble the protagonist in the story you must be more careful!

dont let the ending of the protagonist become yours. (:

okayy i feel like uploading some pictures.

remy doing sit-and-reach!

caught in act: chewing the door stopper.

coco and remy(:

my brother and me; V8 movie cafe.

greedy remy.

♥ 12

Friday, September 14, 2007

4:32 PM

ADVERTISEMENT!
looking for a gameboy advance that's for sale!
quite urgent.
interested sellers please tag at the tagboard.
thank you and have a nice day!

♥ 11

3:49 PM

one more paper left. i wonder how i did for the last dont know how many papers.
though worried, but what's done's done.
you cant change the fact that you did really badly for a particular paper.
so no use thinking too much right?
i always wonder why some people can cry over their papers not well done.
way before the scripts are marked and given back to you.
i mean, you dont even know how well you fared.
so is there a need to be so upset? you can be angry but there's absolutely no reason to cry.
for all you know, a miracle may happen!
you might do really well!
so dont give up and throw yourself into mental torture thinking about this and that.
there're are ups and downs in life.
maybe this is the down part, but in the near future it'll be up again!
and there's no maximum point in one's life.
so the up that's upcoming can be a really high one!
.: dont feel upset or depressed or anything. you cant change anything. just work harder!
and be +ve. (:

i once cried over an amath common test in sec three. i got 6/40.
that was the only time i broke down though.
i've always been doing well in amath then suddely, WHAM!
it comes out as 6/40. couldnt take the blow, i guess.
so cried in the toilet.
but looking back now, i found that it was really stupid to be crying over such trivial stuff.
there're more things for one to cry over! haha. positive thinking is important(:

even if positive thinking is important, i still shouldnt be slacking.
besides, lit has three components.
i should go study. haha. one component for each day! shall start with.. unseen today(:
more slack. since it's a friday. heh.
looking forward to the following shows today:
-baifenbai(5pm, channel u)
-xian jian qi xia zhuan(6pm, channel u)
-qing you ke yuan(7pm, channel 8)
-bao bei fu nu bing(9pm, channel 8)
-ai qing mo fa shi(11.30pm, channel u)
YAYAYE. tv enjoyment(:
take care dearests<3

specially to agnes-
jiayou, dont emo alr! everything will be fine!
besides, there's always collin for you!
awww. take care!

♥ 10

Thursday, September 6, 2007

8:44 PM

TENTH POST.

it's been a long long time since i last blogged.
well, it should be about two months plus ago.
main reason: internet's down.
i think im just not fated to own some internet connection.
they're always short-lived. no connection has been able to last for > 6 months.
let's see how long this one can last.
so it's the sept hols. everyone's busy mugging for prelims.
expected- and im just to eager to blog. im heck-caring my lonely bio notes on the study desk.
HAHA. im like super slow at copying bio notes man. RAWR.
okay i shall recall all that's happened the past week.

[friday!]
50laps at cedar was tiring. i ran three laps in total.
okay, cant be compared to those who ran > 3laps; i.e yanhui; uma
but i think cos i havent been exercising for a long long time my stamina has dropped like crap.
i was like almost dead by the end of the first round.
after finishing the 2nd lap, and while resting, jolene handed me my PELICAN PIZZA. (:
it was damn nice la. haha. and then we had the really long concert. ended at about 12plus.
decided to go back to meetoh with kimwei[lynette pangseh-ed me!]
the guys left the moment we stepped into the school. stupid.
and then we watched the primary ones do their acer's day workout in the hall.
I TELL YOU, IT'S MADNESS! there are like 14 classes of P1!!!! and one class=30 pupils.
like OMG. that's like THREE times the sch population size when i graduated from there.
we only had like 100plus pupils then. no P1s and P2s.
i was damn shocked. haha. we were waiting for cecilia and sandy.
then when they came, we went to find the teachers!
ms ang, mrs lim and mdm ng (liu laoshi went home alr):)
they remembered us! especially ms ang with the fantastic memory!!!
mrs lim and mdm ng could only recognise us by looks. -.-
then we had a loooooonnnngggg chat. haha.
after that the three of us - cecilia, sandy and me - went for dinner at ps.
saw mrs foo there; she told me the teachers were going to be there for teachers' day dinnerD:
yeps. but didnt see any teacher after that. yeah...

[saturday!]
i was guai and stayed home and study!
but it didnt work out that well. didnt study much you see.
slept alot. gah-

[sunday!]
went studying at vivo, habourfront centre.
with mujia and YH. haha.
YH kept asking me amath questions which i could only reply: "sorry, i dont know how to do."
rah- im so gonna do badly for prelims. someone please help me luh. ):
then we left for taka at about 5.45.
YH said there was going to be an aikido demo at women's day out, and i was interested.
so we went there. felt guilty for pulling mujia and YH along...
YH was abit sad cos she was supposed to go with her (:
oh well. we werent such bad company too right? =D
but turned out the 7pm demo was cancelled. gah.
it wasnt a wasted trip though! i adopted my STITCH- there on the same day! for $5(:

mylovelystitchplusorange!
it's the same as sherlin's stitch. heh.
fell in <3 with it when she passed it to shermin to bring home.
lalala. it's so cute! (: mujia has been abducting my stitch frequently as well. -.-

[monday!]
i was being guai again and stayed home. haha.
watched all the shows i wanted man! shuang. (:
then studied a teenie weenie bit.
i tell you holidays is really BAD for studies man.
gah.

[tuesday!]
went for RATATOUILLE movie! YAYAYE.
watched with mujia, YH and wj.
HAH. it's damn nice okay! it's a must-watch! (:
after movie, YH and wj went their way, mujia and i went on ours.
haha. went home not long after.

[wednesday!]
my birthday.
nothing much really. my mum and my aunt were just talking and talking the whole day.
(somemore my mum took off day supposedly to bring me out luh)
until my aunt left, then my mum asked where i wanted to go for dinner.
but i got a cake though. my grandma paid for it(:
she was so cute. she dashed into breadtalk and pointed and the chocolate cake on display.
she demanded the person for the "chocolate cake", which was actually blackforest.
yum. breadtalk cakes are damn nice.
pamela's birthday cake was nice too! (green tea red bean.)
i must thank all those who wished me happy birthday!
THANKS people! loves<3

[thursday!]
the most interesting event that happened was probably dinner.
YH treated me to delifrance!
being the swaku me, i have never eaten delifrance's main course before.
so i was my first time actually having a meal there. heh.
i think YH almost went broke. but the food was EXTREMELY NICE(:
THANKS DEAR! =D
i had always loved the diabolo strawberry there. but i didnt know it was so ex. ($4.60/cup)

it's time to say goodbye-