LOVE.

♥ 08

Saturday, May 19, 2007

12:29 AM

so i dont know where my life is heading.
i need to move, to a new place.
where? i dont know. not with my mum anymore.
i feel sad. really. but i think she dont think i am.
well, you can say im a rebellious freak.
anything. i dont care anymore.
im really numb to all these i guess.
i've emo-ed in school twice in a week.
that's a personal record.
i've never done that in school before.
nor have i ever emo-ed in my whole life.
i was always "that cheerful girl" who fits exactly into what you would describe a CHEERLEADER to be.
but i embarrassed myself twice, two freaking times, in a week.
you know, i understand the reason why ppl emo so much only now.
my life is a mess. huge mess.
i can tell anyone "hey my life is getting from bad to worse."
it's true. well, at least compared to all the other lucky kids.
when you've got a whole family, please do treasure it.
because you dont know what it feels like to be in a broken one.
the feeling is horrible.
you have to juggle between two parents at the same time, pleasing both,
manage your schoolwork and school activities,
dealing with the stress coming from all sorts of directions and sources.
i think in this kinda world, you would want friends to be there for you, right?
yeah. that's what i want.
i dont think im strong enough to face up to this alone.
i need them to be there. because i dont know what i will be like without them.
a formless being? perhaps.
i'll be just a lifeless lump of bones.
here i wanna say, please treasure your family.
dont wait to express your love for them. this is really important.
you should be calling yourself lucky that you have two parents.
no matter how naggy or whatever they are, please do cherish them.
i know my life will never be like that again,
so there's no use if i hate my family for ending up like this.
but all i want to tell you all is that,
I REALLY DO LOVE ALL OF YOU.
i may not have shown it, ever, but i really really do.

to mum: i've always loved you. and you'll always be my mummy. no change in that. i hope, even after we have gone seperate ways, you will still love and care for me like you always do, and i will always love you for eternity.

to don: work hard for studies! when im not around, take care. if you still need help, do contact me. i dont know if you'll ever read this, but i love you just the way it is. hopefully we can still go out together as family someday.

it pains me to make such a decision. but i think it'll be good for both of us.
you'll have one less troublesome kid to deal with.
arent you glad? since you say im always not listening to you.
then i hope my decision will help you to propel forward in your work,
and in future i wont hinder you from anything again.
it's all for the best. will miss you, and love.

my life is a negative gradient.
it'll not become positive.
it's going to undergo major changes.
and because of that, i dont know what will happen to me.
will i become a changed person too?
please tell me if i do, really, please.
im not going to enjoy such a luxurious life anymore.
im going to work hard, real hard.
im going to change my life. i think.

how would you like it to have your mum laughing at your lousy grades?
i never knew my mum would do that.
it was simply, disheartening.
i didnt mean to get 27 points for L1R5 okay.
thanks to U in both amath and ss/geog, my two loveliest subjects.
how i wish i hadnt caught that darn cold on sunday.
i know it's not going to turn back now.
so... strive hard for prelims, aint it?
i'll prove that studying outside beats studying at home.
at least for me. i know i cant do anything at home.
it's like, only sleeping purposes! -.- to me.
oh well, anything. life's like that.

a boulder came crashing down on my life;
and now it's just pancake;
a small insignificant life has been crushed;
yet no one bothers;