LOVE.

♥ 04

Thursday, May 10, 2007

7:32 PM

why did you have to yell at me?
was it my fault that time didnt allow for things to happen?
im raining inside;
yet no one knows;
you were always stingy with your praises.
when i did something good, you just nod your head.
when i did something bad, you would yell at me.
and threaten to take my pretty baby away.
now let me tell you this.
i wont give her up.
even if it takes me everything, i wont.
you think you're the only fustrated soul out there?
please. stop it. i want the old you back.
why couldnt things have remained like it were in the past?
i want you to care for me again.
i want you to love me like you used to.
i want my life back.
return it to me will you?
i've had enough of the fake stuff i have to do.
why do i have to do this?
just to please him? i hate doing so.
i feel disgusted.
why dont i have a choice?
i dont want to do this anymore.
please tell me i can stop doing it.
would you?
you wouldnt. i know you wont.
my mind is in a state of confusion.
i wish i could leave this place.
just for a day or two, let me take a break.
but where can i go?
nobody would be kind enough to bring me home.
i'd just be a homeless wandering soul.
i laugh at myself for being such a retard.
so retarded that i dont know where to seek refuge if i were to suddenly run out of this place.
would anyone tell me "hey you can come over and stay a few nights to think things over."?
this is how pathetic i am. i realise.
how many people would actually send me message and ask me to cheer up when they read this?
i dont think anyone would.
i want to retreat to my own world.
a place where i can enjoy peace at least.
i just want peace here.
im not asking for more.
looking at the current situation, i know i cant.
i'll never be happy again.
i am self-centred. i am selfish. i think only for my friends.
that's what you always say.
so when i show concern for you, it doesnt count, does it?
you always fail to shine light on my good side.
but you always do pick out the bad.
have you ever thought that there is actually a good side of me everytime you scold me?
i dont think so.
cos you would go on without stopping.
until a million years later you realise you were too harsh.
and then come up to me, speaking in a nice tone.
tell me what the hell is this.
how am i supposed to feel?
sad for one moment, and rejoice at the next cos you arent angry anymore?
i blame myself for having high expectations from you.
but you do expect alot from me too, right?
so why cant i expect more from you?
life is unfair. it always is.
tell me there's a place in a corner of this world where i can find fairness.
i dont want you to tell me what to do.
i will do it for you if i want.
call me self-centred, whatever.
what i want to do right now is to find a person who is exactly like me and embrace her/him.
a self-centred person just like me.
offer me a hug. im snowing right now.
everytime it rains inside me,
everytime it's thundering inside me,
everytime lightning strikes me,
i dont get any comfort.
would anyone offer to be my source of comfort?