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♥ 08
Saturday, May 19, 2007
12:29 AM

so i dont know where my life is heading.
i need to move, to a new place.
where? i dont know. not with my mum anymore.
i feel sad. really. but i think she dont think i am.
well, you can say im a rebellious freak.
anything. i dont care anymore.
im really numb to all these i guess.
i've emo-ed in school twice in a week.
that's a personal record.
i've never done that in school before.
nor have i ever emo-ed in my whole life.
i was always "that cheerful girl" who fits exactly into what you would describe a CHEERLEADER to be.
but i embarrassed myself twice, two freaking times, in a week.
you know, i understand the reason why ppl emo so much only now.
my life is a mess. huge mess.
i can tell anyone "hey my life is getting from bad to worse."
it's true. well, at least compared to all the other lucky kids.
when you've got a whole family, please do treasure it.
because you dont know what it feels like to be in a broken one.
the feeling is horrible.
you have to juggle between two parents at the same time, pleasing both,
manage your schoolwork and school activities,
dealing with the stress coming from all sorts of directions and sources.
i think in this kinda world, you would want friends to be there for you, right?
yeah. that's what i want.
i dont think im strong enough to face up to this alone.
i need them to be there. because i dont know what i will be like without them.
a formless being? perhaps.
i'll be just a lifeless lump of bones.
here i wanna say, please treasure your family.
dont wait to express your love for them. this is really important.
you should be calling yourself lucky that you have two parents.
no matter how naggy or whatever they are, please do cherish them.
i know my life will never be like that again,
so there's no use if i hate my family for ending up like this.
but all i want to tell you all is that,
I REALLY DO LOVE ALL OF YOU.
i may not have shown it, ever, but i really really do.


to mum: i've always loved you. and you'll always be my mummy. no change in that. i hope, even after we have gone seperate ways, you will still love and care for me like you always do, and i will always love you for eternity.


to don: work hard for studies! when im not around, take care. if you still need help, do contact me. i dont know if you'll ever read this, but i love you just the way it is. hopefully we can still go out together as family someday.


it pains me to make such a decision. but i think it'll be good for both of us.
you'll have one less troublesome kid to deal with.
arent you glad? since you say im always not listening to you.
then i hope my decision will help you to propel forward in your work,
and in future i wont hinder you from anything again.
it's all for the best. will miss you, and love.


my life is a negative gradient.
it'll not become positive.
it's going to undergo major changes.
and because of that, i dont know what will happen to me.
will i become a changed person too?
please tell me if i do, really, please.
im not going to enjoy such a luxurious life anymore.
im going to work hard, real hard.
im going to change my life. i think.

how would you like it to have your mum laughing at your lousy grades?
i never knew my mum would do that.
it was simply, disheartening.
i didnt mean to get 27 points for L1R5 okay.
thanks to U in both amath and ss/geog, my two loveliest subjects.
how i wish i hadnt caught that darn cold on sunday.
i know it's not going to turn back now.
so... strive hard for prelims, aint it?
i'll prove that studying outside beats studying at home.
at least for me. i know i cant do anything at home.
it's like, only sleeping purposes! -.- to me.
oh well, anything. life's like that.


a boulder came crashing down on my life;
and now it's just pancake;
a small insignificant life has been crushed;
yet no one bothers;




♥ 07
Saturday, May 12, 2007
11:23 PM

went to vivocity today.
was okay. i was feeling rather -.- though.
got my tokyo juliet vcds! (:
anw was practically on a random shopping spree.
i bought the 1.5inch moriji; hamster cage extension; inuyasha soundtrack!
haha. and ate at earle's swensens for lunch. watched spiderman3.


i had the worst luxurious lunch at earle's swensens.
firstly, the table and chairs were depressing.
it's like the table was so tall. when i first sat down i pratically sank into the chair.
and the table was at my chest.
and as lunch went on, i sank deeper and deeper into my chair!
and i was still wondering why i had so much difficulty eating from my plate.
i think i sank like 8cm down into the chair or something. GAH.
then the food. OHMYGOD. it's like weird.
probably because it doesnt have the same menu as normal swensens.
the chicken baked rice was a two person portion.
or so it says in the menu. when it came i got a big shock.
it's like this huge bowl which is big enough for four people!
i was supposed to share it with my mum but ended up everyone helped by eating a little.
we couldnt finish. even for someone who eats alot like myself,
i couldnt even finish my share! o.0
okay if i ever go there again i'll challenge the baked rice(:


spiderman3 was okay. nothing to be wow about.
i hate spiderman. BUT we had to accomodate my brother. -.-
i felt so bored at some parts. was practically fidgeting around.
but it's so... predictable. good triumphs over evil.
blah. evil dies/repents... hah. im not good at commenting.
so erm, if you're hoping to hear good stuff about spiderman3, than too bad. haha.


i love my 1.5inch moriji!
it's got a retarded smile!
and it's NOT as big as my eyeball. it's bigger. -.-
listening to the inuyasha soundtrack now!
YAY! love it(: it's got all the songs i like! in jap.
i dont understand but who cares! music is universal(:
i never expected myself to actually come across the soundtrack.
i didnt even know it existed.


my com is hanging up. i better post this before anything happens(:
im off to go watch tokyo juliet! YAY wuzun:D
byee!
[anyone wants to borrow tokyo juliet can let me know(: i'll loan it to you after i have finished watching(:]




♥ 06
1:20 AM

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO ALL SECFOURS!
midyears could have been screwed/well done, but all it matters is that you take it as a motivation to work harder for prelims and O's! (:
jiayous jiayous and jiayous again!

-special messages-
MUJIA!
dont be sad okay! see! your favourite colour brown! (:
just jiayou for prelims and then chiong for O's! i'll chiong with you!
we can go airport again(: seeing we did quite alot that day and also watched planes!
im super prepared for bio already.
dont worry you wont see me crying.
in fact im so prepared that i'll be laughing at my paper cos i guessed my marks correctly(:
haha. JIAYOU ba!

ATIQAH!
cheer up cheer up! it's okay, as long as you dont give up!
im sure you're capable of performing better!
maybe it's the fengshui of the seat. i didnt do well last year too cos i was sitting there!:D
just work really really hard for prelims and DONT STONE during the paper!
maybe it's cos you were stoning too much.
JIAYOUS! you can do it! (:

AGNES!
although you seem very -.- today, but i know it's cos of your papers.
dont worry we shall work hard together alright?
and you know you can do better! <3>

MICHELLE![4z]
you huhs. actually very smart! (:
thanks for lending me your back to lie on during amaths and ss/geog.
haha. and dont mourn over your chem anymore cos it's already VERY VERY GOOD.
hahas. Jiayou for prelims! and O's of course! (:

INEZLAU!
owner! you really very very smart! (:
CONGRATULATIONS on getting super good results for geog.
you must really tutor me. i need you!
and i miss studying with you as well):
and i bet your other papers are all super well done as well.
once again, congratulations!
JIAYOU for prelims and O's! must study together!
<3>
your caihong!

HUIYI!
hmmm you damn smart luh. so high for everything!
next time study together okay!:D
im sure all the rest of your papers are well done too.
i really need your gold dust now. to help me get golden results.
-.- hahas. JIAYOU for prelims and O's!
give me part of your brain lehs. haha.

WEILING!
CONGRATULATIONS for your fantabulous ss/geog results!
haha and you must use mrs lim's highlighters!
im sure you excelled in geog because of SOMEONE as your motivation right?
****i will be so proud! AWWW. you should go tell ****i!
(: i didnt say anything! haha.
JIAYOU for everything! you must give me some of your brain too.
hand the bit over! ((:

YANHUI!
fine if you dont want to tell me!
but anyway, JIAYOU! :D
and im sure, in fact VERY, that overall you'll do better than me la.
and they'll be very good results too!
we can continue to study together! ((:
YAY. okay?





♥ 05
Friday, May 11, 2007
10:16 PM

i realised the importance of midyears today.
papers were crap.
they went through like 5 papers, but i only had 3 to work on.
cos two of them were amath and ss/geog which i didnt take and it's UNGRADED.

english: paper one[39marks];paper two[29marks]; paper three[32marks];
B3 yiying calculated for me and it turned out to be 65.3 overall.
chinese: paper one[48.5marks];paper two[62.5marks];
C5 so add together and divide by two...
not exactly very outstanding but at least i passed! (:
and look at all my ke tang zuo ye! all fail. and a freaking B3 for express chinese o's.
chemistry: section A[16marks]; section B[30marks]; section C[14marks];
B4 chem was satisfactory, cos i improved 2 grades! :D
but compared to other people, they're like... CRAP. ohwell.
that's it. hur. the rest of the papers are going to be returned on monday.
im crossing my fingers that i dont get F9 for bio.
but on second thoughts it's not going to be that bad cos i will only have one F9 subject.
atiqah you must cheer up okayy! you're smart. dont give up!
and agnes! jiayou! ke yi de!
and MYSELF! must work harder okay? [yes okay!] okay good! pats shoulder-
i met with several depressing incidents today.
i realised some people were looking down on cheerleading.
i mean, cant you like see the pride on their faces?
the kind of joy when they cheerlead?
it's for the fun of it, not betrayal.
you people have to be more mature about this okay?
im sorry im sorry if i ever caused any hurt,
but they're doing this all in the name of CHEERLEADING,
not for the sake of some other house right?
SO i hope you all wont go spreading some bad stuff about them already okay?
at least do it for me?
so please have the basic courtesy and integrity not to gossip can?
all of you are nice people i know, if you all are unhappy, come find me!
dont go around and talk behind their backs!
i dont want you all to break up into small cliques everywhere because of this alright?
must stay united!
oh i watched FINDING NEMO last night before i went to sleep(:
but sadly i fell asleep before the part nemo escaped.
and i LOVE dory! ohmygod she's like so cute!
i wondered why i liked to listen to ellen degeneres's voice.
like on her show. cos she voiced DORY!!! (:
dory is damn cute! :D
i remember i used to watch finding nemo over and over again.
especially before i sleep. or i would play the VCD when im going to sleep.
and i always play disc two. which starts at the part crush saves marlin and dory from jellyfishes.
so there was this period of time when i could recite the dialogues between the characters.
that was like sec two. i think.
i seem like i have alot to say but i forgot what i want to say.
oh chewan taught me that the thingy is not a bloster.
it's called a SALLY. okay. so yesterday's post was wrong.
it's called a sally.
oh and chewan had bought this retarded dog balloon!
yiying says the mouth is very disturbing.
cos the size of the whole mouth is equivalent to the body! o.0
it looked retarded. and it's got a piece of red ballon bit sticking out of the mouth as the tongue.
watching the show ENGINE on channel U.
the guy lost in the car race.
damn suay. a loose screw fell out from the plate thingy that sticks out at the back of his car.
and then cos he was going so fast he lost control when the plate flew off.
AWWW. and he's like pushing his car back to the finishing point.
his car skidded and spun, luckily never crash.
he was first actually! ):
it sucks, that feeling. to be initially first, and then last at the last 80metres or something.
ohman THAT eminds me of my horrible horrible 800metres event on sports day.
gah. but im happy too cos yanhui got fourth! (:
well at least i got eighth for my 200metres event. earned like ONE point for bougai.
linxin! i hope you werent late for your piano today!
i think i shall stop here. before i continue to blabber on.
byee-
to be or not to be;




♥ 04
Thursday, May 10, 2007
7:32 PM

why did you have to yell at me?
was it my fault that time didnt allow for things to happen?
im raining inside;
yet no one knows;
you were always stingy with your praises.
when i did something good, you just nod your head.
when i did something bad, you would yell at me.
and threaten to take my pretty baby away.
now let me tell you this.
i wont give her up.
even if it takes me everything, i wont.
you think you're the only fustrated soul out there?
please. stop it. i want the old you back.
why couldnt things have remained like it were in the past?
i want you to care for me again.
i want you to love me like you used to.
i want my life back.
return it to me will you?
i've had enough of the fake stuff i have to do.
why do i have to do this?
just to please him? i hate doing so.
i feel disgusted.
why dont i have a choice?
i dont want to do this anymore.
please tell me i can stop doing it.
would you?
you wouldnt. i know you wont.
my mind is in a state of confusion.
i wish i could leave this place.
just for a day or two, let me take a break.
but where can i go?
nobody would be kind enough to bring me home.
i'd just be a homeless wandering soul.
i laugh at myself for being such a retard.
so retarded that i dont know where to seek refuge if i were to suddenly run out of this place.
would anyone tell me "hey you can come over and stay a few nights to think things over."?
this is how pathetic i am. i realise.
how many people would actually send me message and ask me to cheer up when they read this?
i dont think anyone would.
i want to retreat to my own world.
a place where i can enjoy peace at least.
i just want peace here.
im not asking for more.
looking at the current situation, i know i cant.
i'll never be happy again.
i am self-centred. i am selfish. i think only for my friends.
that's what you always say.
so when i show concern for you, it doesnt count, does it?
you always fail to shine light on my good side.
but you always do pick out the bad.
have you ever thought that there is actually a good side of me everytime you scold me?
i dont think so.
cos you would go on without stopping.
until a million years later you realise you were too harsh.
and then come up to me, speaking in a nice tone.
tell me what the hell is this.
how am i supposed to feel?
sad for one moment, and rejoice at the next cos you arent angry anymore?
i blame myself for having high expectations from you.
but you do expect alot from me too, right?
so why cant i expect more from you?
life is unfair. it always is.
tell me there's a place in a corner of this world where i can find fairness.
i dont want you to tell me what to do.
i will do it for you if i want.
call me self-centred, whatever.
what i want to do right now is to find a person who is exactly like me and embrace her/him.
a self-centred person just like me.
offer me a hug. im snowing right now.
everytime it rains inside me,
everytime it's thundering inside me,
everytime lightning strikes me,
i dont get any comfort.
would anyone offer to be my source of comfort?




♥ 03
2:28 PM

im bored stiff at home! ):
but there was one thing that i was happy about.
hahas. it's quite gross actually. but it was fun!
it's like i discovered this small little blister on my toe,
and then i was bored so i went to peel it.
normally if you go peel blisters it hurts right,
but this one doesnt! the skin came off nicely!:D
like the whole outer cornified layer came off!
but it wasnt so deep that the whole patch there is the granular layer.
it's like the patch there is still the cornified layer.
HAHA. okay. it feels like a bald patch. o.0

i realise what have been occupying me the period before midyears is actually HOMEWORK.
now i miss homework. cos i've got nothing to do at home!
and after a few weeks of pia-ing studies,
i dont think i want to get back to my books so soon.
so i think homework is just the right thing to keep me occupied(:
[alright i'll get back to them next week!]
GASP tmr's friday and it's NOT tgif!
cos everyone's just gonna die tmr.
we're getting those stupid midyear papers back!
gah- but i think smart people like denyse and weiling have no worries.
it's only stupid people like ME will have to worry about such things.
OH crap please dont let the bio papers be tmr!
im like soo gonna die. it was the most flunked paper.
ohwell. please attend my funeral. and mourn for me. thanks.


hmm the people outside my window are irritating me.
no i meant literally outside.
they're repainting my flat. GAH.
i hate such reconstruction works.
i know these people are doing this for a living, but im sorry, they're just not courteous enough.
they slammed my window shut cos it was getting in the way.
and TSK-ed me!!! like what?! what did i do?!
it's okay if they slam the window cos i know it's getting in the way,
but TSK me for what!!! ):

my brother was nice today.
he bought me OLD CHANG KEE curry puff!
haha it was damn nice(: YAY i like the egg inside!
i feel like eating ang mo kio's curry puff.
the one at the coffe shop that's like next to the polyclinic.
the curry puffs are $1 each.
and are super nice and crispy! (:
ooh i remember buying jedidah one. HAHAs.

the song sweet escape by gwen stefani is stuck in my head.
because it kept playing yesterday during cheer prac.
kw had included it in the CD and then when the radio play finish the girlfriend song it'll go to sweet escape. and it keeps happening.

Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
If I could escape I would, but first of all let me say
I must apologize for acting, stinking, treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold
If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
If I could be sweet I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy,
Now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape (I wanna get away, to our sweet escape)
You let me down I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out I need to get me out of this joint
Come on, let's bounce
Counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around let's look for some common ground
So baby, times getting a little crazy
I've been getting a little lazy
Waiting for you to come save me
I can see that you're angry
By the way the you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me
Want to take you with me
If I could escape
And re-create a place as my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
If I could be sweet I know I've been a real bad girl
I didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
Whohoe, whihoo
If I could escape
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor It
's your fault you didn't shut the refridgerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold
If I could escape
And re-create a place in my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
If I could be sweet I know I've been a real bad girl I
didn't mean for you to get hurt
Forever, we can make it better
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?
Sweet escape
-sweet escape;gwen stefani-
[http://gwenstefanimusiconline.spaces.live.com]


hahas. that's such a long set of lyrics.
and this is such a long post. i shall end here. (: byee-


away, and mock the time with fairest show;
false face must hide what the false heart doth know;




♥ 02
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
9:13 PM

there was cheer today!
we were like a group of random people dancing around.
the school was deserted;
hardly any secfours in sight):
there was yiying though. at cheer prac. hahas.
she wanted to try all kinds of stunts. with me. cos i was light. -.-"
perhaps it's a blessing. to be light but having such good apetite.
i just saw the new cadbury advertisement!
i like cadbury's ads. i know there's one with the car.

wouldn't it be nice if the world was cadbury;
driving in a car would be a tasty treat;
changing gear would soon become a problem;
cadbury diary milk is so good to eat;
when you arrive at your destination;
you'll be greeted with an exclamation;
wouldn't it be nice!;

haha yayaye.
i shall buy chocolate tmr. haha.

yanhui changed her blogskin back to the yanyalun one!
okay why am i saying such random things.
went to a number of blogs today.
trying to find people and link them up!
if you cross this place and know me,
tag and tell me your blog address! (:

i shall go now. this is such a short post.
but i dont know what to write. hurr.


when i dont say a thing;
doesnt mean i dont care;
i was just simply in deep thought;
why cant you be a little more understanding;




♥ 01
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
8:31 PM

first post. i dont know what to write.

the light seems so near;
yet it's so far;
would you come closer;
and shine on me;
guide me towards the correct path;
so i wont fall again;

im not emo-ing if you're wondering. just...
overdose of literature today, i guess.
ate at seoul garden today, after trying very hard to convince the following ppl:
yanhui;atiqah;agnes;
hmmm... actually atiqah and agnes didnt react very violently against it.
yanhui didnt really wanted to eat there.
sorry yanhui. i know you didnt want to eat there. but nobody wanted to make any suggestion.
oh i have to say this.


I <3 mujia!



at changi airport!:D

i have to say shaun the sheep is really cute:D
gah i've got nothing else to say. i shall post random photos.



my pretty fountain!(:


haha i won((: sorry hui!




shermin and i!:D



my prithee darling!
okayy i dont know what else to write or post alr. i shall stop here. yeps.
time doesn't stop for anyone;
not me, not you, not him, not her;
but time we can create;
so let us have a little;
to ourselves;
for ourselves;